i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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