Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
