What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
