just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
