Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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