Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
