Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
