so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
