I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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