Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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