Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
