Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
