Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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