just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
