Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
