Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
