i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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