He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
