PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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