I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
