her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
