Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
