no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
