She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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