apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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