Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
