I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
