Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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