Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
