I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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