I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
