My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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