so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You are a genius and a whore.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
