Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
