The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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