a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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