Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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