Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
