If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
