how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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