it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
