I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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