What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
