so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
