Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am naked and annoyed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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