I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
