I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
