I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
