Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
