I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
