even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
