I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
