my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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