i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
false alarm. still invincible.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
