i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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